Put the Phone Down and Etch Those Memories
It is easier to close your eyes and relive a special memory than search through thousands of photos to find it on your phone...
Last year on Mother’s Day, my article Big Tech Hubris And Greed Behind Digital Education Failure was posted on Public and reached many more readers than I ever could have with my small substack. Even though the edtech landscape still looks the same in most schools, there is an undercurrent that is growing and working hard to undo the death grip that the tech industry has on children. I am grateful to be in the company of many inspiring individuals working hard to restore childhood so that children can grow and flourish without the harming influence of the online world.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I am reposting a short piece that I wrote when I first started my substack over 2 years ago. Happy Mother’s Day, enjoy! -Denise
“… I want to go back and do it all over again but I can't go back I know... I want to go back 'Cause I'm feeling so much older but I can't go back I know” -Eddie Money
As my kids get older, I have been feeling very sentimental. My oldest is 19 and a freshman in college while my youngest is a junior in high school and starting her college search. I love the young adults they are becoming, they are both developing their independence which fills me with pride but there is a part of me that yearns for those little hands and faces that used to snuggle with me on the couch.
Recently I was at a local brewery, enjoying a nice IPA by a fire pit with my husband on a warm March day. There was a young family of 4, the kids were about 10 years younger than my own. I couldn’t help but smile watching the 2 little boys race around the fenced yard to see who was fastest. I watched as they ran to their mom for a confirmation of who won and then the hugs as they sat in her lap. I looked at my husband and we both smiled, each thinking of similar memories. Despite my husband insisting I didn’t need to talk to them, I couldn't help but say to the mom when she looked our way “your boys are adorable, I miss when ours were that young. Enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast!” Spoken like a true mom with older kids!
When your kids are little, it feels like they will stay little forever, especially when you are in the throes of it. You think 18 is so far away until it's not. It feels like you go from those snuggling moments on the couch to driving your oldest 1,500 miles away to drop him off at college. All the while silently crying and trying to remain brave, sending him off on this new journey. Although I grieved him when he left for school, a loss I was not prepared to feel, I cherish him all the more when he is home to visit.
Now that I have more time to myself, I reflect more on the years that passed. There is one day I always look back to often, it is such a vivid memory. Not because of a photo on my phone (it was before I had an iPhone), but because I remember etching it in my brain while it was happening. It was a beautiful fall day when my son was 3 and my daughter was 1. I was fortunate to work part time and this particular day we ended up at a nearby playground with a little walking loop. The air was crisp and fresh, the trees were colorful. I pushed the green umbrella stroller with my daughter behind my son on his little blue bike. We stopped to look at leaves, the water flowing under a small bridge and a little path in the woods. I then sat on the bench holding my daughter while he continued to ride and thought to myself, This. Is. It. This is what life is about. I am so glad I didn’t have an iPhone back then, I might have been checking the news or scrolling Facebook and might have missed that special memory.
To all those that find yourself in the throes of parenting babies and young kids, stop and etch those days in your memories. Even the hard ones. All of them. Put the phone down and be present. One day you will wake up and the house will be quiet, the pitter patter of little feet will be gone and toys no longer scattered. But you will always have those memories because they are in fact what life is all about.